Quite a while back I was involved in a dating relationship that definitely had submissive characteristics although I didn't know what that was at the time. This relationship with K gave me insights into the nature of a woman who reveled in being submissive. One such insight revealed was that attitude not action belies a submissive girl's tendencies. Many a girl has enjoyed a playful spanking. Many a girl has enjoyed being sexually submissive. They enjoy the game but don't surrender to it. A submissive girl, on the other hand, revels in the feeling of being possessed that these acts can give her. I came to realize this with K by her reaction to an adventure I took her on.

I had returned to my hometown for a visit and one evening was taking K out for dinner. On a lark, I got the idea to buy her lingerie. I guess I should clarify – I got the idea to take her to buy lingerie. On retrospect I guess I didn't really consider how embarrassing this could be for her or I might have hesitated. I've known few women I would take to buy lingerie but with K I had no doubts. I was right that she wouldn't balk but was unprepared for her reaction.

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I picked K up for dinner. On the way, we stopped by the mall. She rightfully questioned where we were going as we normally didn't go to the restaurants in the mall. I answered that I needed to pick something up. I guided her along around the teenagers and families crowding the mall. When I turned to go into Victoria's Secret, she halted momentarily but followed my lead when I told her I wanted to buy something for her. I'm sure there was some embarrassment as she realized everyone in the store would know what was happening. I had a small panic when I realized that you can't buy trashy looking g-string/stocking outfits at Victoria's Secret, but also when realized that I didn't know her size. Being a gentleman, I certainly couldn't ask her. Instead I directed her to find something she liked. She attempted to gauge my desires with a few outfits but I was noncommittal as what I had wanted wasn't there. She eventually settled on a silky camisole with tap pants. I found this disappointing as I was set on something far more revealing. I told her to put it back and we'd try another place. She was disappointed but didn't complain. She just put the outfit back in its proper place and fell in at my side.

With my hand in the small of her back, I guided her out of the store and down the mall to Frederick's of Hollywood. Now, they have g-string/stocking outfits. We looked at a few styles before settling on a shear white outfit. She selected her size in that style. I'll have to say she was a brave trooper. I don't think she was a big fan of the outfit but she accompanied me to the counter to make the purchase. Nary a complaint was heard. Thinking back I must have sensed her disappointment because then I was struck by a brilliant idea.

Back down the mall with bag in hand, we retraced our steps. The surprise was evident when we returned to Victoria's Secret. In the center of the store, I quietly ordered her to go get the outfit she'd selected. Upon her return I handed her a few bills with the direction to “buy it.” I waited a few paces back as she paid the clerk and returned packages in hand. There was a bit more excitement in the air as we headed off to dinner. She insisted on carrying her package or should I say prize. Her mood had taken a decided turn.

We returned to her apartment after dinner. She established me on the couch bringing me a glass of wine. I noticed she only brought wine for me. She hovered, standing to my side for a short while before I suggested she model the lingerie. “Which?” she asked. “The Frederick's,” I instructed. Modestly, she closed the bedroom door (it was a small apartment) before reappearing. She was very alluring although awkward in her shear white Penthouse fantasy outfit. I should say that normally by this point of the date, she was nude, so the awkwardness wasn't due to revealing more than usual. She modeled for me then sat on the edge of the couch awaiting my direction. I'm not sure who was more surprised by my direction.

“Let's see the other outfit.” I swear I think she skipped to the bedroom. This time when the door opened a very different woman strode purposefully to the couch. The g-string outfit had revealed her body, the camisole/tap pants revealed her attitude. K displayed the outfit in full feature. She had no hesitation and clearly demonstrated just how sexy she felt in the outfit. She settled at my feet; her chin upon my thigh; gazing up at me as I stroked her hair. Unexpectedly, she asked if she could have some wine. I say unexpectedly because never in our relationship had I controlled her eating or drinking although our play was dominant/submissive. However, at this moment I could tell she would only drink if I permitted it. I watched her journey to and from the kitchen noting how the tap pants swayed with each step and how the camisole floated around her torso. Upon her return, she took a long sip of the wine while watching me with appreciative eyes. She placed the glass on the end table and waited for me to provide her with direction. I brought her to stand between my legs as my hands roamed over and beneath the outfit. The evening progressed as usual except that her submissiveness was much more intense than usual. I realize now that on that evening she truly gave herself to me.

I learned a few of insights from this adventure. First, never is a woman more sexy than when she is comfortable in her outfit – or skin, for that matter. K looked lovely in the g-string outfit but she looked indescribable in the tap pants. The material revealed less of her body but her attitude revealed more of her soul.

To truly enjoy a submissive woman, have her dress in a manner that feels sexy to her rather than dressing her according to your own preconceived idea.

Second, take care to show a submissive woman that you are attentive to her unspoken desires and she'll overwhelm you with her appreciation of you. I know my evening with K would have been fulfilling regardless but by fulfilling her desire for the camisole outfit, I inadvertently tapped into a need to be truly seen that had been neglected.

Third, a submissive woman likes to play but she yearns to feel possessed. I'd learned that K liked it when I talked of how women should serve men and I often did to excite her. Spanking and submissiveness was a big part of our relationship but nothing ever struck as strong a cord in her as walking her into a store to by lingerie to fulfill my desire to see her in it. By “possessed”, I don't mean owned but rather claimed. I claimed her as mine to enjoy and she chose to recognize my claim, letting me take possession.

Finally, be flexible. Learn to listen to her attitude and adapt if possible. She wants to please you and will acquiesce to your demands but if you take her desires into consideration, she will feel cherished. Cherished, she will not merely acquiesce to your demands, she will strive to meet your desires. Don't try to fit her into your fantasies, let your fantasies set the stage for her improvisation.